Shield against my Sorrows
by LadyAlesha
Summary: Follow Narcissa as she tries to come to terms with Lucius's absense and worries for Draco's safety. HBP spoilers.


Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, everything belongs to the lovely JKR.

Author's note: This was written as a response to October's Monthly Challenge number 1 - Themes (Faith in Dark Places) on MNFF and was among the finalists.

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The door closed behind them with a thump cutting off the only source of light. As if on cue the clouds drifted and moonlight spilled onto the narrow street. Narcissa and Bellatrix silently made their way back out of the maze of cobblestone streets and run down houses. Both were aware of the importance of what had just transpired in Spinner's End.

The waning moonlight glistened on the wet streaks that still marred Narcissa's cheeks but no new tears were shed from her eyes. Those had been stopped by an oath of protection, a vow to help and a promise of hope.

All had been lost, or so it had seemed, when she first made her way to this god-forsaken place, but here she had found the one thing she had yearned for more than anything else. A light at the end of the tunnel, a ray of hope in a world of dark and despair.

They left the settlement behind, vanishing from view completely to be safe from detection by its inhabitants, before saying their silent good-byes. A brief look of understanding was all that passed between the two women but it was enough to convey the mutual agreement to forget any previous discrepancies.

Two small pops echoed through the stillness and the small stretch of grass just outside the mill town was once again deserted.

Narcissa reappeared hundreds of miles away in Wiltshire on the border of the vast amount of land that was part of the Malfoy fortune. Malfoy Manor, the ancient family home, could be seen looming in the darkness ahead. A carriage was waiting not five feet away. Its driver had already jumped from his seat and was holding the door open for his mistress. Narcissa settled into the passenger cabin and a powerful white stallion drew the carriage towards the distant mansion.

The soft movements and the sounds of the horses' hooves on the ground created a serene almost peaceful atmosphere. For the first time since Lucius had been taken from her she felt at ease and somewhat in control of her life. Looking out the window she greedily drank in the sight of the ever-growing mansion that, basked in moonlight, looked like something out of a fairytale.

She could see lights flickering behind the windows of the east wing and wasn't surprised that Draco was still awake. He had a habit of staying up late to research or just to enjoy a good book, as did his dad. Narcissa had long gotten used to this insomniac behaviour and was comforted by the thought that this hadn't changed now that Lucius was no longer around.

The carriage rattled to a stop in front of the main entrance pulling Narcissa out of her musings. A fond half-smile was playing on her lips and no traces of her earlier hysterical breakdown were left. She entered the house she had been living in for the last 20 years as if she had never seen it before. The huge candelabra gave the parlour a warm glow and Narcissa took the time to study each painting she passed on her way up the marble stairs in great detail. The Malfoy ancestors nodded politely, each one of them seeming pleased by the aura of mild happiness she was exuding.

Narcissa followed a long corridor and finally opened a door almost at the end of it. Her feet sank in deliciously as she stepped on the lush carpet. With a wave of her wand a fire crackled in the hearth and several candles lit even the most remote corners.

A house elf appeared to take her robe and ask if she wanted something to eat or a drink. Narcissa declined and sank down in one of the armchairs in front of the fire. She sighed in content as she summoned a large book bound in old leather.

It did not do to dwell on the past but she found that tonight she could make an exception. She opened the cover of the immense volume to reveal pictures of her and Lucius' wedding. It had been a while since she had looked at them and she was soon lost in a world of happy memories and dreams.

The Malfoy line had existed for countless centuries and after tonight's events she was sure that it would continue to prevail and return to its ancient glory. It wouldn't be long until the Malfoy name would command respect and induce fear once again. Lucius' capture was only temporary and once he returned no one would dare to look down on them anymore.

December came and brought a huge amount of snow with it. Malfoy Manor was hidden beneath a thick white blanket. This apparent winter wonderland stood in stark contrast with the inner turmoil of its inhabitants.

While other kids all over the country enjoyed their holidays and spent every minute outside, engaging in snowball fights or building snowmen, Draco spent day and night locked away in his rooms. He didn't even come out for meals but had ordered a house elf to leave a plate in his sitting room. He hadn't spoken to anybody since giving these orders and asking Narcissa to stay away from his rooms on the first night of the holidays.

Narcissa was getting more and more worried as time went by. She knew Draco well enough to have an inkling of what was going on behind his closed door. He would be researching, planning and plotting night and day, allowing his body only a few hours rest when he couldn't manage to keep his eyes open any longer. She was familiar with this behaviour, Lucius showed it as well when he had to figure out a tricky question, but she also knew that it was extremely unhealthy.

Draco seemed to be getting desperate in his attempts to fulfil the Dark Lord's wishes and, if she was to trust Severus' letters, refused any offer of help. Doubts had infested Narcissa's mind and were steadily growing during those lonely days when all she could do was worry for her son and wish for her husband to return. Had she really made the right choice in going to Severus for help? What if Bella was right and Severus couldn't be trusted after all? She had entrusted her most precious to him and up until now he had been of no help at all.

Narcissa had of course heard about the disastrous attempt to smuggle the opal necklace into Hogwarts, which had sent Katie Bell to St. Mungo's and while she didn't feel any real sympathy for the girl or her family she wondered if she would have to grief for both the loss of her son and the continued absence of her husband soon.

Lucius had always been the strong one, her rock in an erratic sea. She had taken his presence for granted and now that he was no longer there to comfort and reassure her she felt lost, complete and utterly lost. Retaining a calm and collected façade in public became harder as her fears and emotions tried to slink to the surface. They were lurking just beneath the finely crafted mask she wore whenever she ventured across the doorstep.

Bella had tried to provide her with the human contact she craved, but, although she adored her sister, there was no one who could replace Lucius. She had longed to at least be able to spend some quality time with her son once he returned for the holidays, but those hopes had been squashed by his distant behaviour. His mind was preoccupied with more important and urgent matters than easing his mother's pain and soothing her anguish.

Narcissa had tried to accept it and move on but the doubts were still nagging at her thoughts, telling her that there was something she had overlooked, that she wasn't seeing the entire picture. She couldn't bear the uncertainty anymore, she needed to know if she had done the right thing and there was only one person on earth who could give her this final reassurance.

She sat down in the library facing the windows and watched the snowflakes drift towards the ground lazily. Her quill was poised above the parchment, ready to pass on her innermost thoughts.

_Beloved,_

_I find myself in a situation where I'm in dire need of your advice. I have entrusted our most precious to our most revered friend. I hope my trust was not mistaken and no harm will befall us because of it._

_Yours always,_

_Ivory._

Narcissa could still remember the first time Lucius had used this particular endearment. They had been at a family function and he had pointed out how she was the only blonde Black, that she was like ivory amidst a sea of ebony. It had become his special nickname for her, used only when they were certain that they were all alone.

She whispered a spell and the ink vanished, leaving the parchment unblemished as it had been before. Her writing would only reappear when blood from a loved one came in contact with the parchment. Lucius had come across the spell during the first war and they had used it ever since.

Bella was due to arrive any minute now. She would make good on her promise to do anything to ease Narcissa's suffering, as long as it didn't go against direct orders of their Lord and get the letter to its destination safely.

New days dawned and died again in an unchanging pattern. The New Year came but the mansion stayed silent and empty, no one felt like celebrating this year. Narcissa had nearly no hope left within her and had fallen into a stupor. She got up every morning, had breakfast and then spent the day gazing out the window. Draco still hadn't left his room.

Two days before Draco was to leave for Hogwarts again Bella arrived looking haggard but exceedingly pleased. She dropped a small silver key into Narcissa's lap wordlessly. Narcissa recognised the key at once, Lucius had always taken it with him wherever he went. If she had to guess she would say it fit into the lock of the small silver box that adorned his writing desk. A rare smile crossed her lips as she took hold of the key.

She didn't know how Bella had managed to send the letter into Azkaban and get the key in return but she was immensely thankful. She embraced her sister before hurrying from the room to look for the silver box. She found it still sitting on Lucius' desk. No one had touched any of his parchments since the aurors had left. It would have been delusional to expect to find anything worth mentioning after their thorough search had left them empty handed.

She turned the key anxiously. The lid of the box sprang open to reveal a small role of parchment sealed with the Malfoy Crest. Narcissa broke the seal and scanned short message that had been waiting for her to find it all this time.

_Ivory,_

_When you read this I may already be dead or otherwise removed from you. I trust you to look after our affairs until Draco has finished Hogwarts. I f you should encounter any problems turn to Severus for help. He swore allegiance to me and won't turn you away._

_Take care of Draco and yourself._

_Love, Lucius._

Tears silently dropped onto the parchment. Seeing her husband's flowing handwriting and reading his words was an incredibly soothing experience. All her fears and doubts fled her mind. She had made the right choice; she had done exactly what Lucius had wanted her to do. And even if all else failed she would always have faith in him and trust him above anyone else.

Narcissa paced the length of the library restlessly. Today was the day, today Draco would have to prove himself worthy of becoming a Death Eater. If he should succeed he would have his official initiation, and while Narcissa wasn't too fond of this idea she didn't dare contemplate what would happen if he failed. The Dark Lord had been severely displeased by Lucius' failure to procure the prophecy from the Department of Mysteries, another failure by a Malfoy family member was unthinkable.

Bella knew the exact plan but Narcissa hadn't been made privy to that information. It had been a mighty breech of trust for Bella to even tell her that 'it' was to happen tonight. Whatever 'it' was, Narcissa knew that it had to end with Dumbledore's death, preferably at her son's hands. In her opinion, Draco was much too young to become a murderer and a loyal fighter for their cause but she couldn't, and wouldn't, ever question her Lord's orders. Asking Severus for help could have already spelled the end for her.

But even though this was the case she couldn't see any other way she could have gone about it. She herself was in no position to have any sway over the going-ons at Hogwarts and she couldn't stand the thought of leaving Draco to fend for himself without anyone to watch his back.

Severus had been the only reasonable choice. He had been a close family friend ever since he had entered their Lord's service after his graduation and his position at Hogwarts enabled him to watch over Draco at every turn. Of course, things hadn't worked out as smooth as she would have liked them to, mainly due to Draco's stubborn refusal of any kind of help, but when it came down to it Severus wouldn't let him fail.

There was nothing left to do but wait. Time seemed to crawl as she waited for some kind of message, a summons from her Lord or at best the arrival of Draco and Severus.

The sun basked the gardens and fields surrounding the manor in a brilliant light. No cloud could be seen marring the clear blue sky. The songs of birds drifted in through the open windows. It felt as if the weather gods were mocking her with this beautiful summer's day when her world was plunged into almost complete darkness.

She had tried everything to occupy her mind – reading, taking a walk in the gardens, writing a bunch of important business letters – but nothing could make her forget what was at stake. The outcome of this one day would influence the lives of her whole family for years to come. She had faith in the abilities of her only son but she was also acutely aware that he was still more a child than a man. He had never known anything but Hogwarts and his home, now he was pushed into the real world and everyone expected him to carry out amazing deeds. Narcissa was realistic enough to know that Draco didn't stand a chance without Severus' help.

Raised voices penetrated through the closed door, heralding the arrival of visitors. Narcissa thought she could make out the cold voice that belonged to Severus but it could have just been a figment of her imagination.

Looking around herself she noticed that night had fallen outside. She had been so absorbed in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed an elf come in to light some candles.

The doors were flung open and Severus Snape strode in, a thunderous expression on his face. Draco followed in his shadow. His face was chalky white and his hands were trembling at his sides.

Narcissa sighed in relieve and rushed towards the unlikely pair stopping herself just in time from hugging Severus. The look he dealt her would have frozen even boiling water instantly. Narcissa was almost afraid to ask but she had to know one way or the other: "Is it done?"

"Yes, it is. We could have saved a lot of time and trouble if Draco would have told me what he had been planning, but it's done nonetheless." Severus looked down on Draco disapprovingly.

Draco glared right back, his eyes blazing with anger. "I would have done it. I didn't need your help. I had him wandless and vulnerable, I was just about to do it."

"If you had wanted to go through with it Dumbledore would have been long dead by the time I got there."

With one last furious glare Draco strode from the room banging the door on his way out.

An awkward silence settled in. Severus stoically glared at the wall ahead while Narcissa wrung her hands looking for something, anything, to say.

"Severus, what you've done tonight means a lot to me. I can't begin to describe how glad I am that this is finally over."

Severus nodded gruffly. He turned his head to make eye contact with her. "What is to happen now? The Dark lord won't be pleased with the outcome anymore than I am."

Narcissa half-shrugged, "Our Lord will punish Draco as he sees fit, it's really not my place to take any guesses. We will have to live with whatever it is he decides to do. I have faith that everything will work out for the best in the end."

Seeming satisfied by her answer Severus swept out of the room. Narcissa was left alone once more, wondering what the future might hold for them but firmly believing that this wouldn't be the end.


End file.
